Why I offered to cover a 9:45am shift, I do not know… this is a ridiculous hour to be up at.

Not that it matters now, at 3am, a day later. (You asked for this, you did. Watch something like Rubber Johnny and spend the next three hours slamming Monty Python to get the taste out of your mouth, bah.)

Jasper Johns. Noetic. Also Borges. And if you don’t know what to get for your significant geek, this will do.

I think Turks have this subconscious urge to go grocery shopping on the coldest days of the month. Pretty sure, actually.

Very overwhelmed, suddenly. Too much input, too many inputs. Like fifty tabs up and a couple hundred unread messages (heh). Clutter. And I think my grass has gone into shock; the weather out isn’t really conducive to healthy greenery.

Made it to the church mostly on time. Twas a serious chore staying awake, though worth it. Someone asked me why I go there, among other things. This is a fairly standard question, to which there are accepted answers.

Coming to a city, where there’s so much more – and less – of everything, and so many smarter people with better-sounding answers than you… You quickly learn to either learn why, or have your beliefs quickly decimated.

I go to church to be reminded of what is Real. It’s not about religion. It’s a new mindset. Completely reoriented in the context of God who is infinite, that created our infinity, that specifically created us, the finite, and has stayed with us in our now.

This is the context, the canvas. Religion concerns itself with the particulars, which is fine and appropriate. The particulars are important. Some are all-important. But religion gets so much stuff wrong. … Which is why I go to church, ironically. To be reminded, reoriented. It’s not about the religion. And yeah, this sounds lofty and abstract. I don’t know all of what I’m talking about yet. But I do know that I am only alive when I remember this, that my life is not my own and that I have given it to Someone who is infinitely and inherently more. It’s so, so easy to forget. Ironically.

Christianity is peculiar.

Why believe in nothing? (Saosin)

Things are starting to add up, and it’s only… what, the third week of the semester? Something close to that. I’m reminded why I’ve grown into avoiding relationships. Just getting close to other people’s is stressful.

But – I am now armed with pomegranate juice and a jar of dying grass. And miso.