facebook photo discussion

Kurt: “One moment, I think I threw away something important. Yes…there’s a customer in the trash. Oh, bother.”
Shea: Actually, I think another customer had ordered “cafe mocha, small size.” He was just ensuring that the customer was still in the trash.
Isaac: They fit nicely, as it happens.

receipt 4059 (unrelated)

Isaac: Hi, what can I -
Diminutive male of unclear ethnicity with an unexpectedly high voice: Coffee.
I: Oookay, what size for you?
D: Caffasheeno.
I: Cappuccino?
D: Yes, medium.
I: Right, your total is -
D: (thrusts $20 over the counter)
I: Seventeen seventeen is your change, thank you.
D: Whah?
I: … Your change.. never mind, back counter. (points)
D: (wanders over to back counter where his caffasheeno is even now being prepared)
D: (returns, suspicious)
I: Can I help you?
D: (presents the $5 bill from his change) Can I haff another one of thees?
I: .. I’m sorry? (thinks: if he’s asking me for money, I swear…)
D: Thees one… (points at the bill, which is apparently beyond his tolerance level for wear and tear)
I: Ah, right. Sure. (takes the bill, fetches a replacement)
D: Thank! (mollified)

and now, our feature presentation

I have concluded that the Asian population at IIT functions in a way not dissimilar to the Borg hive mind, at least inasmuch as it pertains to food and drink. You may take as evidence their uncanny ability to suddenly descend (ascend?) upon the cafe in hordes, and then all – individually – order mochas. Or, rather, “cafe mocha – small size”. It wasn’t always like this (my theory is that the mind is reformed annually), but one day one of them discovered the mocha, and it became universal. Further evidence is the mocha (mocha!) freeze, a sort of a chocolate blended ice drink. One day, a rogue Asian deviated from the normal order. Apparently he was not so far out of the neural loop to keep this from the rest of collective, for the mocha freeze is now a hive favorite.

But it can’t touch the cafe mocha.

Now, this particular order gets on my nerves to begin with. It’s like the default drink. If someone doesn’t know what to order, they get a mocha. Some of them seem to think that it is the basic espresso drink – one customer wondered, when informed that we were out of mocha chocolate, if we therefore couldn’t serve anything on the menu.

But it’s markedly worse with the international population. Actually, I’m pretty sure that it’s what they tell them at customs. “You may get coffee while in the US. But only the mocha. Or you will be deported. We swear.”

Perhaps the single most irritating manifestation of this instance, however, occurs when a single, tiny Asian female approaches the counter, and makes the typical order. Cafe mocha, small size. … I have nothing against tiny people. Or Asians. Or females. Honest. It’s just so – fricking – irritating.

Hear me, people. There is life – life – beyond the mocha.