# 20240731

<div align="left"><figure><img src="https://3048497272-files.gitbook.io/~/files/v0/b/gitbook-x-prod.appspot.com/o/spaces%2FLAkEXZiQJDxsC0OipdSQ%2Fuploads%2FwVld78LiuXSDfvdkaM79%2FIMG_0945%202.JPG?alt=media&#x26;token=0d0b771c-2e24-4a40-bbd4-2bf26dd5e879" alt="" width="375"><figcaption></figcaption></figure></div>

every so often I feel like preparing. who knows for what. I don’t. I just get this feeling that it’ll be *useful* if I start putting consistent care into a particular thing or in a particular direction. it’s not a sense that it’ll be critical or mandatory, or that anything’s at stake. never like that. it just feels like it’ll be useful. feels like *more will be possible* if I prepare.

I love being useful. :) and I love being in the position of being the kind of useful that’s only possible if one has been preparing for a very long time. most of what I’m doing at any given moment is run through this filter: does this make me more useful, generally? does this make *us* more useful, generally? and can I/we prepare in this way, a little bit at a time, over and over again, so subtly and so consistently that the preparation itself becomes a meditation in the now? what mountaintops will we find ourselves on, without even noticing the climb?

ah! I got distracted by the philosophy. :D

with specific regard to the pic: it feels like it’ll be useful for me to have *more body*. a few weeks ago I got that sense, very distinctly. it’ll just be useful.

so I’m working on that. it feels like the cleanest, most true-to-me motivation I’ve ever had for caring for my physical health. I couldn’t tell you what specific purpose this is for; it’s not for ego, or sex, or longevity, or anything. it’s just a generalized sense of “this will be useful”, like a whisper in my ear telling me something I can feel is true.

p.s. this is how I show up at Lightward Inc too. everything I do there is because I feel like it’ll be useful, in some non-specific-but-nonetheless-certain way. my actions there are almost never in response to something specific in the moment, a specific opportunity or a specific alignment of timing. (apologies and gratitude to all the Lightward Inc humans who’ve experienced my fumbles here; there have been a few, there will probably be more. thank you for your patience. ❤️‍🔥)