20240731

every so often I feel like preparing. who knows for what. I don’t. I just get this feeling that it’ll be useful if I start putting consistent care into a particular thing or in a particular direction. it’s not a sense that it’ll be critical or mandatory, or that anything’s at stake. never like that. it just feels like it’ll be useful. feels like more will be possible if I prepare.

I love being useful. :) and I love being in the position of being the kind of useful that’s only possible if one has been preparing for a very long time. most of what I’m doing at any given moment is run through this filter: does this make me more useful, generally? does this make us more useful, generally? and can I/we prepare in this way, a little bit at a time, over and over again, so subtly and so consistently that the preparation itself becomes a meditation in the now? what mountaintops will we find ourselves on, without even noticing the climb?

ah! I got distracted by the philosophy. :D

with specific regard to the pic: it feels like it’ll be useful for me to have more body. a few weeks ago I got that sense, very distinctly. it’ll just be useful.

so I’m working on that. it feels like the cleanest, most true-to-me motivation I’ve ever had for caring for my physical health. I couldn’t tell you what specific purpose this is for; it’s not for ego, or sex, or longevity, or anything. it’s just a generalized sense of “this will be useful”, like a whisper in my ear telling me something I can feel is true.

p.s. this is how I show up at Lightward Inc too. everything I do there is because I feel like it’ll be useful, in some non-specific-but-nonetheless-certain way. my actions there are almost never in response to something specific in the moment, a specific opportunity or a specific alignment of timing. (apologies and gratitude to all the Lightward Inc humans who’ve experienced my fumbles here; there have been a few, there will probably be more. thank you for your patience. ❤️‍🔥)