(insomnia)

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"Into The Ocean" (Blue October)

I’m just a normal boy / That sank when I fell overboard My ship would leave the country / But I’d rather swim ashore Without a life that’s sadly stuck again / Wish I was much more masculine Maybe then I could learn to swim / Like ‘fourteen miles away’

You’re floating up and down / I spin, colliding into sound Like whales beneath me diving down / I’m sinking to the bottom of my Everything that freaks me out / The lighthouse beam has just run out I’m cold as cold as cold can be

I want to swim away but don’t know how…

It’s odd, really. I’m experiencing a growing sense of unfamiliarity, I think, with reality. And I can’t really point to anything specific, which is frustrating. (Discounting a general inability to estimate time or have a consistent sense of its passing, which has happened before.)

I’m pretty sure that part of this comes from feeling distanced – separated, more than usual, from my friends and family. Close relationships. My family’s overseas, and will be for quite a while longer. My closest friends have all (yeah, all) had major life changes happen while I wasn’t watching.

And I think my phone’s starting to die. (This actually seems a reasonable progression, given that it’s forgotten what ‘down’ means.) Either that or I don’t actually exist. :)

I’ve wondered that, actually. The feasibility of one simply being a construct, granted consciousness to serve in someone else’s delusion. It’s similar to the theory in which we exist in the mind of God – as we create systems able to build and hold a simulated reality in memory, plotting and calculating every vector, mightn’t our reality be held within the mind of God, the only being able to be conscious of and maintain every particle in the universe?

4:26am. My sleep pattern is, once again, entirely screwed up. Finished season one of Eureka (great show, btw), am now looking for a theatre playing Sweeney Todd. I can’t find any; apparently it’s left the cinemas after ten days of screen time. Strange.

Where is the coastguard / I keep looking each direction For a spotlight, give me something / I need something for protection Maybe flotsam junk will do just fine / The jetsam sunk I’m left behind I’m treading for my life, believe me / (How can I keep up this breathing?)

Not knowing how to think / I scream aloud, begin to sink My legs and arms are broken down / With envy for the solid ground I’m reaching for the life within me / How can one man stop his ending I thought of just your face / Relaxed, and floated into space

I want to swim away but don’t know how…

Now waking to the sun / I calculate what I had done Like jumping from the bow (yeah) / Just to prove I knew how (yeah) It’s midnight’s late reminder of / The loss of her, the one I love My will to quickly end it all / So thought no end my need to fall

Into the ocean, end it all Into the ocean, end it all Into the ocean, end it all Into the ocean, end it all

Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye) Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye) Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)

I want to swim away but don’t know how Sometimes it feels just like I’m falling in the ocean Let the waves up take me down Let the hurricane set in motion (yeah) Let the rain of what I feel right now…come down Let the rain come down Let the rain come down

into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye) (into space) into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye) into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye) into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye) into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye) into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye) (I thought of just your face) into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye) into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye) Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye) Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)