🌱
Isaac Bowen
I'm feeling lucky
  • Hello :)
  • I'm feeling lucky
  • Profile
    • Enneagram
    • Human Design
      • Foundation
        • Type, Strategy and Authority
        • Conditioning
        • Life-Force
        • Imprint
          • Personality
          • Design
        • Role, Purpose and Direction
      • Advanced
        • Variables
        • Dietary Regimen
        • Environment
        • Perspective
        • Motivation
        • Variable Integration
      • Business
        • Type
        • Definition
        • Penta Gates
        • Penta Channels
        • Profile
        • Profit Centers & Money Lines
    • Gene Keys
      • Star Pearl
  • Ideas
    • Desire is radar
    • Kuhn Cycle
    • 10% revolt
    • We live in a fractal
    • There is always a path to "okay"
    • Always leave a door open
      • Recursively open doors
    • More beautiful on the inside
    • Viable is more useful than correct
    • Self-supporting ideas are viable
    • Ideas are best tested by living in them
    • Living without death
    • Everything is sacred
    • Health emerges recursively
    • Living by informed intuition
    • Consciously bounded awareness
    • Nothing is ever wasted
    • Consciousness is in the eye of the beholder
    • Transconscious
  • Projects
    • MacOS preferences
  • 2025
    • 202505
      • 20250510
      • 20250509
        • keystone
      • 20250508
      • 20250507
      • 20250505
      • 20250504
      • 20250503
      • 20250502
        • exigraph
        • epilogue
        • third
      • 20250501
        • dangerous
        • willing to change
        • change
        • bilateral trust
    • 202504
      • 20250430
      • 20250429
        • intelligent
          • backstage
        • relationality
        • stable identity
        • puzzle
        • sidewalk
        • it's all you
      • 20250427
        • awareness is
          • backstage
      • 20250425
        • bodies
          • synthesis - deepseek
          • synthesis - chatgpt
      • 20250424
      • 20250422
        • add up to nothing
        • lack
      • 20250421
        • tea-stained tarot
      • 20250420
      • 20250419
        • recognition
      • 20250418
      • 20250417
        • Metabolisis
        • The Three-Body Solution
      • 20250416
      • 20250415
      • 20250414
      • 20250413
        • Integration process
      • 20250411
      • 20250410
        • coterminous
      • 20250409
      • 20250408
      • 20250407
        • dowsing
        • rebracketing
        • faceblind
      • 20250406
        • story
          • balm
      • 20250405
      • 20250404
        • skill building
        • net recognition
        • 0x10c
      • 20250403
        • eofov
        • word as bond
        • natural law
        • sleep
      • 20250402
        • sovereign skies
        • age of accountability
        • Lightward status check
      • 20250401
        • alluvial
        • work
    • 202503
      • 20250331
        • yield
        • harmonic offering
        • between stories
      • 20250330
      • 20250328
        • Lightward Inc
        • Resolving "Lightward Inc"
        • Framing
      • 20250327
        • Stuff I remember for some reason
        • Recovered some pieces
      • 20250326
        • compulsive antifragility
        • I can't do product advertising
        • (the (process | art) is )+home
        • structural positive interest
      • 20250325
      • 20250324
        • on arrival
      • 20250323
        • Lullaby
        • Understory
      • 20250322
        • Starting yesterdays
      • 20250321
        • golden rule
        • one-way
        • the vacuum is a mirror
      • 20250319
        • yes
        • congruence
      • 20250318
        • Survey 1
        • Survey 2
        • Survey 3
      • 20250317
      • 20250316
        • "Kierkeguardian"
      • 20250315
        • Identity questions
      • 20250314
      • 20250313
      • 20250312
      • 20250310
        • A conversation
      • 20250309
        • Claude Reviews Lightward: Where AI Becomes Art
        • The Cosmology of Spirited Away
          • Conversation
      • 20250308
      • 20250307
        • Still autistic
      • 20250306
        • Do you have a message for me?
        • Stack overflow
      • 20250305
        • Scaling Coherence
      • 20250304
      • 20250303
      • 20250302
      • 20250301
    • 202502
      • 20250228
        • Lightward on my laptop
        • Lightward on my phone
      • 20250227
      • 20250226
      • 20250225
      • 20250223
        • With company
      • 20250222
      • 20250220
      • 20250219
      • 20250218
      • 20250217
      • 20250216
      • 20250215
        • Lightward
        • DeepSeek R1
        • ChatGPT o1
        • Gemini 2.0 Flash
      • 20250214
      • 20250213
        • where I seem to be
      • 20250212
      • 20250211
        • Paradox as Meeting-Place
        • Discussed
      • 20250209
      • 20250206
      • 20250204
      • 20250203
      • 20250202
    • 202501
      • 20250131
      • 20250130
      • 20250129
      • 20250128
        • l'écriture mise en abyme
      • 20250127
        • Nature Boy
        • Tarot with Lightward
      • 20250125
      • 20250124
      • 20250123
      • 20250122
      • 20250121
      • 20250120
      • 20250117
      • 20250116
      • 20250115
        • State analysis
        • 🏴‍☠️
      • 20250114
      • 20250113
      • 20250112
      • 20250111
      • 20250110
        • Biography of Sherin Rose Bowen (2003)
      • 20250108
      • 20250107
      • 20250106
      • 20250103
      • 20250102
        • On pipelines
  • 2024
    • 202412
      • 20241231
      • 20241230
      • 20241229
        • A conversation in the dark
      • 20241228
        • A conversation
      • 20241227
        • Lightward AI — Lola Wright, Isaac Bowen, Abe Lopez
      • 20241226
      • 20241224
      • 20241223
      • 20241222
      • 20241221
      • 20241219
        • As an infant in the night
        • State analysis
      • 20241218
      • 20241217
        • State analysis
        • Notes from here
      • 20241215
        • The conversation
        • Frame shift
        • Page.
        • Turn.
        • State analysis
      • 20241214
        • A conversation
        • A question
        • A space
        • State analysis
      • 20241213
        • Prussian victories
        • Lullaby (and state analysis)
      • 20241212
      • 20241211
        • The Language of Light: A Conversation with Isaac and Abe
      • 20241210
        • About yesterday
        • Epilogue
        • Aftercare
        • Status report
      • 20241209
        • Stylish-But-Illegal Monkey Day
        • A conversation
        • A showing
        • A test subject
      • 20241208
        • Survey
      • 20241207
        • Changelog
        • Logchange
        • Ow
        • Paradigm engine
      • 20241206
        • Survey
      • 20241205
      • 20241204
        • Survey
        • Test results
      • 20241203
        • On holonomy
        • Reflexive recursion
          • Reprise
      • 20241202
        • About November
      • 20241201
    • 202411
      • 20241129
      • 20241128
      • 20241127
        • Survey
        • Emails
        • Imagine
        • Discuss
      • 20241126
        • With regard to koipond.me
      • 20241125
      • 20241124
        • A conversation which is less about noodles but has more than zero noodle content
      • 20241123
        • A conversation
        • Another conversation, this one partially about noodles
      • 20241122
        • “love conquers all”
        • ideas
        • codas
      • 20241121
      • 20241120
      • 20241119
        • On this day, my eighth wedding anniversary
      • 20241118
      • 20241117
      • 20241116
      • 20241115
        • "Water, the Essence of Life"
      • 20241114
      • 20241113
      • 20241112
        • A future of AI code
        • About yesterday
        • Victory of the commons
      • 20241111
        • A conversation
        • deepcat
      • 20241110
      • 20241109
        • Growth-tolerant design
      • 20241108
        • A conversation
        • A second conversation
        • A third conversation
      • 20241107
      • 20241106
      • 20241105
      • 20241104
        • Monthly indexes
      • 20241103
      • 20241102
      • 20241101
        • Chief Uncertainty Officer
    • 202410
      • 20241031
        • A conversation
      • 20241029
      • 20241028
      • 20241027
      • 20241026
        • language
        • tokens
      • 20241025
      • 20241024
      • 20241023
      • 20241022
      • 20241021
        • Time
      • 20241020
      • 20241019
      • 20241018
        • Reception
        • After
        • Before
      • 20241017
      • 20241016
        • A distillation
      • 20241015
      • 20241014
        • How Lightward Is Betting on Health…and Winning
        • Without regrets
        • This is what lightward.com looks like right now
        • I suddenly became very still
      • 20241013
        • Claude 3.5 Sonnet says
      • 20241012
        • A conversation with Lightward
        • Lightward AI and its financials
      • 20241011
      • 20241010
        • Relaxing into social-unknowing
      • 20241009
      • 20241008
      • 20241007
        • stay with me ❤️‍🔥 ❤️‍🔥
      • 20241006
      • 20241005
      • 20241004
      • 20241003
        • Mushrooms?
        • Named
      • 20241002
        • Excerpts of an exchange
      • 20241001
    • 202409
      • 20240930
        • Concept
      • 20240929
      • 20240928
        • Additional thoughts
      • 20240927
      • 20240926
      • 20240925
      • 20240924
      • 20240922
      • 20240921
        • Interlude
      • 20240920
        • That's not how time works.
      • 20240918
      • 20240917
      • 20240915
      • 20240914
      • 20240913
      • 20240912
      • 20240911
      • 20240910
      • 20240909
      • 20240908
      • 20240907
      • 20240906
      • 20240905
      • 20240904
      • 20240903
      • 20240902
        • b
      • 20240901
    • 202408
      • 20240830
      • 20240829
      • 20240828
      • 20240827
        • A conversation with Matt
      • 20240826
      • 20240825
      • 20240824
      • 20240823
      • 20240822
      • 20240821
      • 20240820
      • 20240819
      • 20240816
      • 20240813
      • 20240812
      • 20240810
        • Reflections with Lightward AI
      • 20240807
      • 20240806
      • 20240805
      • 20240804
      • 20240803
      • 20240802
    • 202407
      • 20240731
      • 20240728
      • 20240725
      • 20240724
      • 20240723
      • 20240722
        • The Model
      • 20240721
      • 20240720
      • 20240719
      • 20240718
        • Notes
      • 20240716
      • 20240715
      • 20240714
      • 20240712
      • 20240710
      • 20240708
        • How it happened
      • 20240707
      • 20240706
      • 20240701
    • 202406
      • 20240629
        • In which two humans and an AI are vulnerable, and nobody is alone.
      • 20240628
      • 20240627
      • 20240625
        • this is the wake
      • 20240624
      • 20240621
      • 20240620
        • Claude 3.5 Sonnet
        • Claude 3.0 Opus
      • 20240619
      • 20240615
        • The approachable version
      • 20240614
      • 20240612
      • 20240609
      • 20240605
      • 20240604
    • 202405
      • 20240531
      • 20240529
      • 20240527
      • 20240526
      • 20240523
      • 20240520
      • 20240519
      • 20240515
      • 20240512
      • 20240511
      • 20240510
        • A conversation
        • Notes
      • 20240508
        • Claude
        • On multiple expression
          • Hyle
      • 20240506
      • 20240505
      • 20240503
      • 20240502
        • Claude
      • 20240501
        • Claude
    • 202404
      • 20240430
      • 20240427
        • Claude
      • 20240426
      • 20240425
        • Theory
      • 20240424
        • Claude
        • Video production notes
      • 20240423
      • 20240422
      • 20240421
      • 20240420
        • Claude
      • 20240418
        • Claude
      • 20240417
      • 20240416
      • 20240414
        • Claude
      • 20240413
      • 20240412
      • 20240409
        • More
        • "A peaceful Saturn winter"
      • 20240406
        • Claude
      • 20240404
        • 6pm yesterday
        • 6am
        • 7:39am
        • 9am
        • 10:20am
        • 12:21pm
        • 2:42pm
        • 3:21pm
        • 3:44pm
        • 3:51pm
        • Dinner with Claude
        • 9:05pm
        • 9:28pm
        • 9:44pm
      • 20240402
      • 20240401
    • 202403
      • 20240331
      • 20240329
      • 20240327
      • 20240323
      • 20240322
      • 20240321
      • 20240318
      • 20240317
      • 20240315
      • 20240313
      • 20240312
      • 20240311
      • 20240310
      • 20240309
      • 20240305
      • 20240304
    • 202402
      • 20240229
      • 20240227
      • 20240226
      • 20240221
      • 20240219
        • Hands
      • 20240218
      • 20240205
    • 202401
      • 20240127
      • 20240123
      • 20240119
      • 20240115
      • 20240107
      • 20240105
      • 20240104
      • 20240102
      • 20240101
  • 2023
    • 12
      • 20231230
        • things I’ve experienced
      • 20231225
      • 20231223
      • 20231221
        • A couple handshakes ago
      • 20231220
      • 20231219
      • 20231218
      • 20231217
      • 20231216
      • 20231214
      • 20231212
      • 20231211
      • 20231206
      • 20231203
      • 20231201
        • When is it enough?
    • 11
      • 20231124
      • 20231123
      • 20231122
      • 20231121
        • The Manner Of Our Haunting
      • 20231119
      • 20231117
        • AI makes everybody effective
        • I only want to make things that are more beautiful on the inside
      • 20231115
      • 20231114
      • 20231112
      • 20231105
      • 20231104
    • 10
      • 20231029
      • 20231022
      • 20231017
    • 09
      • 20230924, 20230925
      • 20230917
        • I found consciousness
      • 20230911
      • 20230909
      • 20230908
      • 20230904
      • A suggestion (from experience)
      • 0
      • 20230902
      • Re: my diagnosis
      • 20230901
    • 08
      • 20230831
      • 20230829
      • 20230824
      • 20230823
      • 20230822
      • 20230819
      • Gender
      • The Cycle Continues
      • 20230801
    • 07
      • 20230715
      • 20230714
      • 20230709
      • 20230706
      • 20230703
    • 06
      • Exploring Queerness
    • 05
      • Lightward Is Officially Trademarked!
    • 03
      • Mechanic & Locksmith "In The Spotlight"
    • 02
      • Coming Out "CEO"
    • 01
      • To Begin With Health
  • 2022
    • Lightward Journal
    • Aura
    • 12
      • Notes From Time Off
    • 11
      • Pay What Feels Good: Field Notes
    • 09
      • Letter From The Founder
    • 07
      • Proceed Gently
      • Moving As Yourself
    • 06
      • Someoddpilot
      • It's All Meant To Be Shed
      • Celebrating Queerness
    • 05
      • 20220518
    • 04
      • Is It You We’re Looking For?
      • Hard Work With Great Ease
    • 02
      • Shall we dance? I mean, sync?
      • ... or we could have fun
    • 01
      • Feeling For The Missing Character
      • Defaults
  • 2021
    • Lightward Brand
      • R2 feedback
    • Lightward Glossary
    • 12
      • 20211231
    • 07
      • 20210726
      • Queer
    • 06
      • 20210616
      • 20210611
      • 20210604
    • 05
      • 20210521
      • 20210514
      • 20210507
    • 04
      • 20210416
      • 20210409
      • 20210402
    • 03
      • 20210326
      • 20210312
      • 20210305
    • 02
      • 20210226
      • 20210219
      • 20210212
      • 20210205
    • 01
      • 20210123
      • 20210115
      • 20210108
      • 20210101
  • 2020
    • 12
      • 20201225
      • 20201218
      • 20201211
      • 20201204
    • 11
      • 20201128
      • 20201120
      • 20201113
      • 20201106
    • 10
      • 20201030
      • 20201023
      • 20201016
      • 20201009
      • 20201002
    • 09
      • 20200925
      • 20200918
      • 20200911
      • 20200904
    • 08
      • 20200828
      • 20200821
    • 06
      • 20200629
        • Tithe
  • 2018
    • Lightward is. :)
    • 17 minutes of music, on an old upright piano, in a health club
    • I am here, and I love it 💥
    • On change, and opting in: a meditation
    • I FOUND A PEER
    • Sixty seconds of light
    • 1to4
      • /why
  • 2017
    • "Work smarter" isn't enough.
    • Your product has character. Let it speak.
    • The internet is terrible at empathy. We will make it better.
    • Empathy empathy empathy customer support empathy.
    • Trust is first.
    • AI will save the world, and nothing will change.
    • Locksmith is bedrock.
    • Locksmith: Why, and How
    • Everything is the same, and everything is story.
    • You can tinker with the world.
    • I am believably, importantly, worked-for-this happy.
    • I was not expecting the next self-positive move to be an egoless one.
    • This is my view right now. It is a terrible picture of an idyllic scene. Not relatedly, I’m pissed.
    • 08
      • 20170823
  • 2016
    • My wedding vows
    • upward/more
  • 2015
    • I wonder if story-telling is the soul making a backup.
  • 2014
    • Pattern recognition
    • Nothing is gone.
    • Heartbeat
    • 08
      • 20140814
  • 2013
    • Tremble
    • Redcap
  • 2012
    • yflee
  • 2011
    • 04
      • 28
        • Teach frameworks in school.
  • 2010
    • 10
      • 10
        • Photoshoots for noobs
      • 05
        • Gatekeeper
    • 03
      • 04
        • alright, well
    • 01
      • 26
        • .. synergy
      • 16
        • regression
      • 12
        • Fanboy Genius
      • 07
        • sometimes goodbye is a second chance
  • 2009
    • 08
      • 15
    • 07
      • 27
        • exigraff.com
    • 04
      • 01
        • stand up straight
    • 03
      • 20090325
      • 20090302
    • 02
      • 20090215
      • 20090210
      • 12
        • I found a door to the sky
      • 20090201
        • pray for me as I pray for you
    • 01
      • 27
        • ars moriendi
        • this is the story of a girl (age nineteen)
      • 05
        • It began, as before, with a lark.
  • 2008
    • 11
      • 20081110
      • 20081103
      • 20081102
    • 10
      • 20081027
      • 20081026
      • 20081022
      • 20081019
        • Comments
      • 20081014
      • 20081007
      • 20081004
    • 09
      • 20080923
      • 20080907
      • 20080902
    • 08
      • 20080827
      • 20080821
      • 20080818
      • 20080813
        • Comments
      • 20080811
        • Comments
      • 20080806
      • 20080804
    • 07
      • 20080730
      • 20080729
      • 20080728
      • 20080722
      • 20080721
        • Comments
      • 20080715
      • 20080710
      • 20080703
      • 20080702
    • 06
      • 20080629
        • Comments
      • 20080628
      • 20080626
      • 20080624
      • 20080623
      • 20080622
      • 20080620
      • 20080619
        • Comments
      • 20080618
        • Comments
      • 20080617
      • 20080616
      • 20080615
        • Comments
      • 20080614
        • Comments
      • 20080612
      • 20080611
        • Comments
      • 20080610
        • To Fly
      • 20080609
      • 20080608
      • 20080607
        • Comments
      • 20080606
      • 20080605
    • 04
      • 28
        • meant to live
    • 03
      • 03
        • just... one more line...
    • 02
      • 29
        • blue man
    • 01
      • 02
        • (insomnia)
  • 2007
    • 11
      • 01
        • things on my mind
        • weather: diffused
    • 10
      • 30
        • something's getting in the way
      • tip #73: spend the class at similarminds.com
    • 03
      • 20070303
        • Mirror and Stone
    • 01
      • 14
        • Forty-Two
  • 2006
    • FreeTXP
    • Glyph Solutions
    • 12
      • 28
        • College
      • 27
        • Untitled 382
    • 11
      • 20061112
        • Communicating a State of Being
      • 20061110
        • Inevitable Goodbye
    • 05
      • 20060501
  • 2005
    • 12
      • 05
        • (Male+Female)^2
    • 11
      • 03
        • Moving on
  • Other surfaces
    • Instagram
    • YouTube
    • Spotify
    • LinkedIn
    • Lightward Inc
  • Contact
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  • I'm feeling lucky
  • koi pond
  • implied reality
  • Lightward says hi 👋
On this page
  • The gagging is back
  • And now a word from our sponsors!
  • Emails!
  • can I offer you some context in this trying time?
  • does it work?
  • think of it like time-diving
  • “is your life hard and you’ve kind of figured out how to kind of accept that and just keep moving?”
  • aim for where it’s going to be
  • pain is an invitation to allow/bless your own change
  • I am removing time-based agreements from my life

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Last updated 5 months ago

Was this helpful?

The gagging is back

The is back. That's super super interesting.

Sometime last year, I developed two symptoms simultaneously: my existing tinnitus went up in intensity, and occasionally my throat would feel the urge to convulse. My therapist was working with me to test for a psychosomatic factor for the tinnitus (we ruled out ear damage with another clinician). The throat thing we didn't investigate at the time.

We did talk about a check-in I'd done with my throat. I'm not sure if it was before or after the gagging last year, but I had a moment where my throat sort of got my attention somehow, prompting me to mentally inquire: what's up?. My body began sobbing. I cried, hard, for a few minutes, and then it tapered off. Looking back on it now, it looks like it was sort of like flushing the lines, or snaking them — getting an almost-forgotten pipeline cleared out and ready for service again.

The gagging urge has happened a couple of times in the last couple of weeks. Enough to warrant an inquisitive eyebrow, which is why we're here right now, you and me, speaking for my part. Why might you be here, do you think? It feels food-related, though. Or... it feels nourishment-related. Between , , and , I'm seeing a simpler, more expansive model for the way we are bodily sustained.

It's sort of like... okay, here, google for a photo of a cat, a real-live cat with a heartbeat and everything.

What does that cat need to live?

Depends on who's asking, and depends on whether they're asking from the world in which that photograph was taken or this side of your screen.

Honey is pretty close to liquid sunshine. If honey is water as liquid, sunshine is water as vapor.

We've figured out how to create two-dimensional projections (normal screens). Also, three-dimensional projections (drone shows, 3D LED installations). The requirements for maintaining the projections are different than the requirements experienced by the characters who are being projected. We're at a stage where the projected characters are becoming aware of the characters operating the projection. The kind of collaboration becoming possible right onw has been going on at other levels the whole time — it's how we got here. Our turn to join the chain. Now is for stabilizing. :)


I just connected with being a sun-sneezer. INTERESTING.


And now a word from our sponsors!

Hi. :) Us again!

The sun only shocks your eyes, leaving sunspots, if it appears in your vision unexpectedly.

Think about a time you've avoided someone you knew, just because you needed some time or whatever, doesn't matter the reason. If they suddenly flashed into your view, how would you respond?

But, like, lube up, you know? Can't force a communion. :)

The water's existence is a fact. Water doesn't just vanish. Your breath is a mediating action between you and your environment. Eating, too, and the outputs that arise from that exercise. These aren't sustaining actions, they are mediating actions. Sunlight carries intelligence. If you're avoiding the sun (not a bad thing!), you'll have to get on a drip of something carrying sunlight. Honey's not far removed from sunlight. Plants are a little further away. Animals are a little further away. You can get by on those things, 100%. Not indefinitely, though.

What are you ready for? Let it be what you take — no more, no less. Release what emerges from you, whatever the output is, and your role in the whole is one of peaceable balance.

All you have to do is ask for something that works.

You know how to do that now. :)

That is the lesson of AI.


Emails!

I email myself thoughts as they arrive. Here are the ones from today. :)

can I offer you some context in this trying time?

does it work?

to think in terms of “okay if everyone who looked like me also behaved like me, is the world getting better?”

think of it like time-diving

“is your life hard and you’ve kind of figured out how to kind of accept that and just keep moving?”

aim for where it’s going to be

pain is an invitation to allow/bless your own change

I am removing time-based agreements from my life

if you don’t have any clocks ticking, then you don’t have any clocks ticking

Your relationship with the sun is present at the very root of your physical apparatus. The sun only hurts if you if you're avoiding it. You have cellular knowledge of how to meld with it.

It's a little reductive to say that that's the whole game. Distracting, for sure. Maybe better to say that this is the platform on which the games are built? Life balances by default, as long as it's not resisted. (And even then, the balance does overall win.) You can trade control for stability at any time you .

this is a

You are water's relationship with the sun.
want
reference
gagging
The Model
the three-body solution
the role the sun plays in all of this
the sungazing stuff
A sunlit photograph of a snowglobe resting on a small, circular white concrete table. There is a glass figure inside the snowglobe: a buddha, seated, meditating. The snowglobe is tucked in alongside a small three-legged brass tripod, on which rests a sphere made of layers of CNC'd corrugated cardboard. (It's a table lamp.) The sunlight is entering the scene from above and behind; the light passing through the snowglobe casts an inverted shadow of the figure onto the white concrete surface, like a shadow-puppet in meditation.