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A failed social attempt yesterday triggered my brain's emotional dysregulation, which was its own thing that needed its own resolution. (Or, better, needed time to resolve itself.)
The most intense pain in the whole experience was in the dysregulation -- which was just a knock-on effect from earlier, like getting a headache after a stressful moment.
But I learned in youth that emotions have subjects, and one must resolve the subject as a prerequisite to resolving the emotion.
This is not true.
getting a job and a paycheck and insurance gives you shelter
but the shelter doesn't care about you
absolutely nothing wrong with shelter -- take it when necessary, it can be critical for recovery
but do recover, as you are able
and when you are ready, notice where you feel the urge to care -- it's your way to build into the shared dynamic solidity of life itself, to become a living part of the whole, and a shelter for those who need it
In a conversational setting, less eye contact makes me feel more like I'm exploring ideas in my own head -- just happening to have more voices than my own doing the exploring.
I am an eternal student of still life; allowing myself to perceive even the people around me as a part of the still life (1) lets me uncomplicatedly accord them the honor that I accord , and (2) lets me live my inner life at speed, instead of in fits and starts.
Paraphrasing Tristan: "Correct" is different for everybody. Every path will be faulty from some perspective, and discounting all perceptibly faulty paths removes them all from the deck, leaving one looking for a path without fault.
We don't need a faultless path. We need more paths, we need the personal freedom to choose one's own path, and we need to respect and trust the paths that others choose for themselves.
I said: the more our institutions mirror how people actually think about each other and themselves, and the more fluidly those mirrors track the actual motion, the less we’ll be able to blame the institutions for our problems.
It's an ancient institution. Cultures have always held sacred secrets, controlled who could learn them, and gave special privileges to their holders. Sometimes it was practical knowledge (the complex factors that went into timing seasonal actions, maybe), sometimes it was abstract arcana, secrets for their own sake.
Formal education (a lot of it, not all of it) can be described this way. Gotta get a degree to get the job, and then once you get the job you have to learn the job, using maybe not any of your degree at all.
Still, look at the way protecting information creates the need to push back. It ends with the entrants to the system eventually connecting with the creators of the system. You are pushing yourself forward, and then giving yourself a reason to reach back to the you at the origin. Closed loop.