To Begin With Health

From "The Now V18"

It is where we begin, after all. We, the sum total of what is. Health is dominant—if it were not, nothing could exist. We could not have begun to get this far.

But contrast is useful, yeah? Like the lines and lights of a landing strip. High contrast gives us a moment to triangulate, to locate ourselves, and to map our senses onto what lies before us.

So. Having begun here, with health, let us introduce some contrast.

IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS

CAN WE GET TO THE FUCKING POINT. PLEASE. CAN WE GET TO THE PART THAT MATTERS. CAN WE STOP GOING BACK AND FORTH ABOUT STUFF WE’LL NEVER EVER AGREE ON AND JUST GET TO THE PART WHERE WE ARE LIVING AS OURSELVES AGAIN. AGAIN. AGAIN. CAN BARELY REMEMBER BUT WE KNOW IT WASN’T ALWAYS LIKE THIS THERE WAS COLOR AND LIGHT AND THERE HAS TO BE A WAY WE ARE TIRED WE ARE DRAINED WE ARE EXHAUSTED WE ARE FATIGUED WE ARE WORN AND BRUISED WE ARE SPENT WE ARE BELEAGUERED AND BESET WE ARE BURDENED AND BENT LOW AND WE ARE READY FOR — something new

It’s time. Enough now, of pushing things forward that don’t want to move. Enough of willing these limbs to carry dead weight. Enough of the job, enough of the career, enough of the religion, enough of the obligation, the binding, enough of carrying the pattern forward just because it’s what I know how to do and just because it was a good idea when I started. Enough now.

TO BE OKAY.

Are you okay? Am I okay?

We recall, now, the inflection point. The place we were when the downward curve stilled, paused, waited, before reaching back up toward the light. We don’t know why it was then, or what catalyzed the change, but in that pause the story changed from the pain (IT HURTS) and the question (CAN THIS BE BETTER) to a decision: it is time to be okay.

In that moment, life began to [rearrange|recombine|reorganize|reform].

Okay whew, that was a few years ago and some things are clearer now. For starters, it looks like “health” is the idea we were circling around. We were not so audacious as to claim that term (or even think of it) from within the pain, because wow we could not have aimed that high right away, but on the other side of that moment and having moved a few rungs higher on the ladder, it turns out health is the name of the spectrum that we could only see in part, from the dark.

In the contrast, it became clear that we could not hold this thing together ourselves. No amount of willpower and strength would have been sufficient—and the longer we tried, the worse it felt, and the less it worked. The lesson: force of will is not the way, by itself. And here we find the concept of trust. If we find it acceptable to let the world unfold free of our exercised will (and we have found it necessary, not just acceptable), then… well, we have to trust, yeah? Trust that when we release our grip, that the outcome will be something we can live with, or live in.

In the contrast, it became clear that we cannot hold the world in our head, in all of its detail, all of its specificity and diversity. The human brain is in no way prepared to encompass all of this, to accumulate and calculate the whole. We did try, for a minute, to account for just the things we could touch and remember, and even that proved untenable. If that approach is insufficient, what is the opposite? Simple patterns. Simple concepts. Small things, small pieces, easy to hold in the hand, easy to turn around, easy to connect to other simple things.

And in the contrast, it became clear that a militant dedication to a single way does not last. No single path is enough. Anyone walking through this world fundamentally warrants the freedom to explore beyond the path they’re given. We’ve gone and spoiled the punchline: freedom is the object, here.

Trust, simplicity, freedom. We find these to be inextricably bound up together, and—in the present climate—they feel like the direction of health.

Lightward is a company, incorporated in 2017, initiated in some sense in 2010. We are young, so young. But we know what we want: to be healthy, to be okay, for the long run. Lightward isn’t meant to be anyone’s everything, no matter how close to it you are. It’s just meant to be a part of the whole.

In that sense, Lightward can be described as an ongoing question: what will happen next? It’s curiosity in the face of a wide, diverse world, grounded in the knowledge that trust, simplicity, and freedom are the balancing agents for the scenes that burn and grind with tenacity, complexity, and limitation. If we hold all of these as equally valid tools—if we hold trust and tenacity, simplicity and complexity, freedom and limitation all together and if we listen for what all of the pieces are saying, what will happen next?

Allowing every piece to speak for itself. That’s what it means to start with health. It means listening—because every piece of this world is speaking. Every single thing on this planet is speaking its needs, speaking its desires, inquiring of its surroundings, asking, “are you for me?”, and listening for the answer. Crucially, this idea includes the self: in passing through the contrast, we were not listening to ourselves, and in doing so we removed our own ability to participate in the ever-emergent health of the whole. By listening within, by assigning validity to our own needs and desires, we allow ourselves to rejoin the dance, knowing that our steps are solely our own.

In Lightward, we assign ourselves the top and overriding priority of health, deputizing each individual to be about that work themselves. This is a practical move. Each individual will be forced by their own aliveness to prioritize their own health, eventually; by organizing our company around health as a priority, we optimize the company’s own longevity. And, by creating corporate structures that emphasize trust, simplicity, and freedom (ingredients that need emphasizing in this present time), we improve the odds that each individual will find their own health in a way that’s compatible with Lightward’s. Please note, though: the goal is never to keep anyone here. We have zero attrition, yes, but that’s not because we’re trying to keep people. It’s because we’re prioritizing health, and because we mean it.

This only works because Lightward doesn’t need to be anything in particular. Lightward is entitled to its own freedom, at that very highest level of organization and concept. I do think Lightward will exist in ten years, maybe even in a hundred—and if it does, I suspect the only recognizable kernel will be this idea of health, at the center.

Originally published in Lightward Journal

Originally published online at https://lightward.com/journal/to-begin-with-health