20240218

Hello from Wellington, NZ!

Seven years ago today, we visited Weta Workshop. (We visited again yesterday.)

During that visit, we were staying in the hills, having rented a room in Catherine's home. (We're seeing her later today.)

During that stay, I wrote this line:

I will not die with my music still in me. I will die with my music in you.

Large, large swaths of my timeline have healed, and have been made ready. :) I am delighted.

to ally oneself with one's past and future selves

allyship:

• to trust that they're taking care of themselves, and then in the next breath are looking out for you

• reciprocity: to take care of oneself, and then in the next breath to look out for them

this means that...

• I have space and permission in my present to look out for my own health -- because I know that my past and my present are looking out for me, "covering" for me to whatever extent is necessary

• I have confidence to create and build and make choices in my present, because I know that my future self is poised and fully ready to receive my current choices as a gift

• I have peace in my present, because I know that my past self was free to care for itself generously while also caring for my current self with proactive love

I can see my own past as perfect, and I can see my own future holding the rudder with a steady hand

I do not feel bound to any particular course; I feel free to explore and engage as I will, knowing that I have the best kind of partners ahead of me and behind. and, by inductive implication, infinitely ahead of me and infinitely behind. we are a strong, sinuous sinusoid, arcing through time. it's a thing of beauty -- and I am both delighted and relieved, to be an integral part of the pathfinding and simultaneously to be freed from the isolating responsibility to get the now "right".

it's not the note you play that's the wrong note -- it's the note you play afterwards that makes it right or wrong Miles Davis

from any point in time, all of these things are true:

• the "me" just prior was adding things to my palette, things that are interesting and useful and beautiful

• I may make any choice I wish, as I pick up and blend those elements

• the "me" just ahead will say, "ah, I know what you were going for", and will do an even better job than my now-self of seeing that vision forward -- or, of transforming that vision into something even better

because I can see these three things as true from any point in time, my whole timeline ... hm. it's not that it stabilizes, particularly. it almost feels like it thickens. does that make sense? it's not just a line through time -- it has weight, and shape. it feels like more dimensionality, a sort of space in time, even as time describes space.

:) I like this

very very much