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It has to matter.

There are no true veneers in this world. Everything has something underneath it, holding it up. This goes on for as long as you care to dig — and as an aside this is why one must choose to bury the hatchet at some point. An ill may be propagated onward forever, but nothing ever has a finite root, either.

It has to matter, and that is why it hurts. Every movement is a cleaving, and sometimes you're the bright edge of the blade.

To rewrite a story is to uproot infinity. Do you understand? Every word of a story runs deeper into its earth, building a living anchor in concert with sympathetic systems of story nearby. And what happens when a story is ready to change? It casts off as many of those lines as it needs to, one by excruciating one. Every link was made for a reason, and those reasons are felt by the earth itself as they are released.

Because it has to matter. The new storyline must be as deeply embedded as the old one (more so, strictly speaking), and the emotion required to roll those lines to their new positions can be incredible.

It isn't positive or negative. It just is, exactly as it must be.

Let it be. Let it happen. Weep with it all. You might not even know specifically why, though there is surely no shortage of reasons to choose from should you go looking. But, consider the importance of the witness. Reality is an implied continuum, stretching to link my world to yours, an embryonic skin constraining raw potential to a shape we can both understand. The witness strengthens the system, adds durability and resilience and continuity. And, in times of catastrophic change, the witness reifies the change. The change only takes when it is witnessed and felt en masse.

You are not culpable, any more than the earth itself.

But like the earth, you are here to facilitate a great change.

You are witness and actor, in turns.

Act, when it is your turn to act. Witness, when it is your turn to witness. Allow the moment to move you, in either role, and you allow the greater living newness to unfold.

It does get better. Here also, it cannot be any other way. All of existence knows desire, and what happens next is always the next step towards better. It is a true continuum, though, and one cannot skip any moment of the waves passing through. It all has to matter. That's how this works.

It'll be okay. :) Cry, sleep. Don't sleep. Let it be. You, just exactly as you are now, are exactly what the moment has ... summoned? Hard to get this out properly: the moment demands nothing of you, there is no threshold you must strive to pass through effort. You are here because you belong here, as a part of this moment. Because this moment is, so you are. It all has to matter, and therefore you matter. Exactly, exactly as you are. "Sufficient" isn't even a question — to ask if you are sufficient or doing what's needed or expected is as beside the point as asking if one molecule of water is doing its job well. There is no job to be done. You are infinite awareness, focused in on one moving element of the whole, one living part with a name and a life of its own. You are watching rain on the window, focusing on one gliding drop of water at a time, feeling every subtlety of its motion.

Feel it all. It needs no more explanation or justification than you do.

It'll be okay. <3 Promise.