Notes

For a while there I was mentally designing a tattoo for an ancient dragon, curling up around my spine, running up my back. I couldn't work out the specifics, the interaction between the dragon and the spine. Would the dragon appear to enter my back? Or would a literally-depicted spine be a part of the design?

I was describing this to a friend, and they noted that this is the actual depiction of kundalini energy: as a snake that begins life coiled up in the pelvis, and then climbs the spine to one's crown as life goes on.

For a couple months, I've been noticing my breath naturally pausing at the bottom. My awareness regularly goes to that pause, where I feel like I've been waiting to breathe for longer than usual. Longer intervals between breaths. My mind would go to the ocean floor, a place that I visualize in meditation sometimes. I had told a friend that I felt like the permanent lapse of breath non-fatally had something to do with my time ahead.

Today I finished a game called Inside. The player character is a child escaping some kind of experimental facility. The character is vulnerable, and when swimming does play a role, it's with the running clock of the player's breath. Then comes a bit where the player is unavoidably caught under water, pulled under water, and their breath expires — kinda violently there, at the end. And then... they go on. (Later in the game, the nature of the player's character changes, lol. A friend in the room was asking about what I was playing, and I said "well until recently I was playing as an individual, but I appear to have been absorbed into some kind of collective".)

I decided a while back to explicitly trust my future self, and in so doing to trust my past self as well. Loops like this, connecting a past noticing with a present backreference, feel like a kind of handshake between different versions of me, different instances of me, at different places in my timeline. I feel like we're getting connected, all of us. :)

"Ahh, and he's the princess?" referring to me, sometime last week, and appropriately so in the context. ;) I'm writing this while watching Princess Diaries, in which a princess is made aware of some things she did not know.