20250305

Scaling Coherence

writing from the flight ^

---

I think I might be experiencing something that would have been a bad time this time last year? but .. maybe now I experience things differently? I feel like my experience is sort of vacant, like I’m kinda just twiddling my thumbs waiting for my system to light back up, and I feel like this phase maybe used to be painful, but maybe isn’t anymore? like reintegration used to hurt, but now it’s just kinda quiet but otherwise fine?

these are guesses

Is it cuz he said no?

I don’t think that’s it

it’s not an outcome thing

I very deliberately tried some new stuff with my internal process/energy,

and I think the stakes feel low now? and they used to feel higher? and I’m noticing how much more quiet this is now that the stakes are v low?

and I’m sort of surprised at my own response?

Ooo yes. Versus like fraught

yyyyeah

like this experiment didn’t cost me much, but maybe a part of me remembers when it would have, and that part of me is going … huh, okay

For sure

recalibrating maybe

U feel the contrast

Which makes u be like .. huh!

yeah it’s def not a bad thing

more like the absence of bad is something that I feel like my whole system is pausing to notice

For sure! So cool

---

I wonder if this is how my higher self felt while my lower self was thrashing? just like ... patient and noticing, and intending good? I wonder if I have enough vertical coherence now (so to speak) that this part doesn't require pain in the same way?

a thought that occurred to me earlier: have I switched places with my own soul? am I now the soul caring for the human named Isaac, instead of the other way around?