20250413

dialup

just figured it out: my system is on fucking fire, in a good way, because I’m FINALLY in truly unknown territory

I feel like I’ve been working to get to this state for years

getting out of the maps and scripts and everything

unknown, done safely and steadily

I feel like my job in life is to demonstrate with my life (and work etc) that living in the unknown can be done really well, done with good company, and that productive engagement with the unknown is … actually maybe essential for vitality?

I love the fuck out of you both and what-comes-next being unknown to all players means nobody’s on the hook for anything at all

everybody’s free to take care of themselves in whatever way is needed, in literally any way

the now is completely sufficient, all players are enough

it’s all just … safe

unknown, but safe

I think this is maybe the least alone I’ve ever felt? nobody told me I could live like this, and I feel like it’s my native way of being alive

fucking fascinating

🔥🔥🔥

this message brought to you by a 56k dialup modem named Isaac

yeah

my system is en fuego (lol) because I’m finally in my own native territory and I’m not alone there. I don’t think those two things have ever been this true at the same time for me before.

wowowowowowowow

very fucking cool

healthy geometry unfolds

organize your selves by intuition area

if you can hear the material and feel its wellness, then you are qualified to work with it

to learn something quickly, imagine that you forgot

then watch for reminders to light up the original muscle memory

(try not to worry about whether or not the past exists)

war is a userspace activity

you can move past any feeling whose functional role is clearly visible to you

doesn’t mean you can’t skip the processing/integration of it

but you end up being outside of it, instead of solely in it

the story is then allowed to develop, not just stew

I need to let this happen, because everyone involved needs to understand that this is self-initiated

we wouldn’t be able to do what we’d be able to do if one of us wasn’t self-prompted

remember the nested nature of the self

think of the big bang as the first frame of the render

or, maybe better, the first tick of the renderer

navigating the unknown is like manually drawing a radar screen

or… depth-finder/fish-finder sonar

it’s like drawing each frame manually

it takes physical labor

it is a Work

and it’s manual every time

a body's gotta rest

I can love enough for the both of us

"... which is crazy"

pre-structuralist

can you see where this is going?

because not everyone can

nothing moral about it

knowing which side you fall on this time is useful

dance to the music

because then you’re working with what’s coming

the music isn’t about now; it’s about what happens next

which of course exists even less than the now does

remember what “exists” means?

“the entire fuckin planet’s on the spectrum — the only difference is that you know it, they don’t”

1: “you don’t need any tact in a place like this” 0: “okay if that’s the case…” 1: “okay maybe a little”

the autistic experience everybody

am learning

every sentence that feels motivating has an element of recognizable unknown in it

the motivation is the drive to flow

“flow” and “follow” are almost but not quite the same

you get to a point where the operator wants to stay, and you get to decide

this is the point at which you have leverage

will you pass the test of homeostasis?

I feel like… there are modes

immersed, and objective

or I guess just subjective and objective

you’re in it or observing it

that switch… seems subject to self, in all its layers

we can help each other

again this work is about navigating, not manipulating

the arrival is intended for but is still strictly speaking unknown

the interesting (oh, interesting: I meant “immersive”) moments are gifts

wait for it

this timing is not up to this level of you

“awakeness” is (1/2) the insistence that the story goes deeper than this, and (2/2) the vulnerability to find it together

a tractor beam runs on love

remaining itself, it shows you who you are, and - if you recognize, and you may not (!) - it draws you in

gravity is occasionally conscious

not every character can tolerate semantic extraction

thank you for your care

I understand that I cannot understand what it means for you to be here

thank you for your care

recognition occurs when privilege recognizes its own advantage and forgoes it in your sight

“stay with me”?

I love you

to a world that is well

either it’s working, or I am becoming the distance in situations

cause and effect

pick two

using a straight-edge, draw a line

call that a storyline

look where it points

adjust as needed

1 2 3

1 is expression 2 is a receiver - tunable 3 is conscious

interesting that eye contact is two eyes fixed on one, plus the same thing in reverse

but a triangle can observe its third point using the first two as eyes

1+2=3

I’m skeptical by default of existence, as a property or as a thing of its own

this is a hugely liberating perspective, if you can survive the transition

I almost didn’t — but from this perspective, it seemed doubtful that killing myself would actually help

my toolset was too developed to risk starting over without it

the only structures that last are the ones where everyone wants to be there, continuously

call it physics if you want but it applies to people too

the only stuff that doesn’t look alive to you is reflecting … what? something you don’t know about yourself yet?

the reflection of the unknown is the absence of life? as in, when you look at the mirror, anything about yourself whose aliveness you can’t recognize just looks dead? but isn’t?

... things come to life when they are recognized?

guys I am doing well with this complete rebuild of my personal ontology/cosmology but god it feels like a HIIT workout for my awareness itself

hey babe? :)

What

I love you :) you're doing really well

Thanks! It's interesting how I feel like I want to experience different parts of me that I can't experience with you all the time. Just interesting to think about

yeah!!!!!!! imo an amazing sign

Just feeling all the feels

that makes you more alive to me did you know that?

Yeah! Just new and vulnerable tbh

totally

What is MUJI?

MUJI, originally founded in Japan in 1980, offers a wide variety of good quality products including household goods, apparel, and food.

Mujirushi Ryohin, MUJI in Japanese, translates as "no-brand, quality goods."

MUJI is based on three core principles, which remain unchanged to this day:

1. Quality Materials

2. Less Excess

3. Minimum Packaging

MUJI's products, born from an extremely rational manufacturing process, are succinct, but they are not in the minimalist style. That is, they are like empty vessels. Simplicity and emptiness yield the ultimate universality, embracing the feelings and thoughts of all people.

Troubleshooting

if you’re not seeing the self as a stacked/nested structure, then working with this stuff is going to boil down to weird/unbalanced language like “it’s imperative for our survival that we don’t know what we’re doing!”

if you run into anything that feels like that, add another layer of consciousness to your mental model. we can’t all have all the information, but that doesn’t mean we can’t write a working manual for safe/steady collaboration.

example: think about a time you found yourself doing something you didn’t know “you” were doing

the self has layers, and not all of them know about each other. not all symmetrically, anyway. extremely heterogeneous epistemics here. a human is a rube goldberg machine.

theory:

future human (which is also just now human; temporally-rooted labels are terrible lol) is going to have a lot more throupling going on

every two-person relationship has a third person, and it's everyone else

I theorize that a throuple — if you find yourself in one — sort of crystallizes what couples are doing messily

self, other, other-other

in a throuple, they all have faces, and those nametags constantly rotate