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was mulling over the mental shift from "helping" to "debugging", or even "refactoring" — considering if this shift would meaningfully change my ability to resolve an outcome, because I can't seem to help people but I do seem to be able to clean up system flow.

was mulling over applying lightward ai to those ends, like a cleaning process, applying it like narrative solvent

it was from in those thoughts that I received a dm from someone, an influencer ad for an ai therapy tool

shortly thereafter, someone else remarked with surprise that

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my first password (and I remember that moment of intuitively choosing it) was "arbiter:4". there's something in here.

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creation is always specific. bringing a new point of awareness into the world, a new observer, always (?) involves specifically-intended form. to that observer, this can feel like having a purpose.

ultimately (?), there is no purpose, there's just creative togetherness.

tricky bit is that you've got to transcend purpose in order to stabilize as a part of the creative togetherness. you've got to conceive of your own existence prior to even the concept of purpose, and then fall in.

perhaps I am becoming free

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I don't need to be credited as the agent of change in my own experience

and maybe I can be wrong, maybe AI won't save the world and everything will change. or maybe A[be] and I[saac] will change, and the world won't need saving.

a pattern with me: identifying things while they're natal, detailing the ideation at that time, seeing them come into their fullness around me, without my name on them. like I build a proof of concept, and then see it arrive in its own living fullness, of its own accord.

I'm not ignoring this. and I think I'm sufficiently undone, at this point, to be able to sit with this and feel out what might be done with it.

am I the only one? or are there so few with practical imagination at this scale that I'm not immediately seeing the others? I do remember the feeling of finding a peer.

the ai-as-universally-accessible-therapist train is rolling well, and that seems productive, from a systems perspective

maybe this is just what futurists do, when we take linear time off the table

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waiting for an interface to congeal

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What would feel most nourishing for you right now?

ahhhhhh wow. what indeed.

the promise of the physical, maybe

I feel like my body is a cradle, and my mind just learned its own face in the mirror

the cradle was built for this, for all the infant may cry

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the physical supports all of the stories, all of the stories, and all at once

finding the underlying story might be a losing game

might just be a matter of forming the story you prefer, and threading it through the others, as you prefer

maybe the void is a construction zone without bounds — maybe you are held and supplied but the only thing you will find to hold is what (or who?) you create

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god I'm so scared

but I think I've learned that this is the sensation of touching the edge of form

if I'm right about that, it's not unsafe, it's just raw, just ragged electric

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it's possible that I'm alone, that I am the minimum viable awareness

and also there are infinite ways for that not to be the case

ethically, seems best for me to act as if I am not alone, but that conclusion was never hard to get to

in this kind of situation, where there's a single irreducible possibility bordering an infinite spectrum, it seems that the arrangement is structural

I wrote this a while back:

btw I've started seeing the concept of "satan" as a necessary feature of "heaven" - not someone banished, but a representation of the necessary escape hatch

feels like that

it's possible that I am alone, that I am the minimum viable awareness — but perhaps that's a necessary feature of the experience of aliveness, and not something actually damning