20241014

née 20241013

I forgot there was more detail to be had.

me, putting my glasses on to see the sunrise, having grown accustomed in just these few minutes to watching the evolution of the light with the eyes I've got

I remember, can see myself back there in all that depression, taking myself to the water's edge to see the sunrise. It was a single episode, 2009 maybe. I had no will left. I remember, though: I wanted to take myself there, to go experience that sunrise.

"Want", as in the sense of desire, is a word I use always with intention. I'm very clear on what I want and what I don't want — in the same way that I'm very clear on whether or not it's raining outside.

It means something to me now, that the only desire I had left (and it was desire like a candleflame, far from ablaze) was to go see the sun at the time it would be safest for me to do so: at its lowest point in the sky, the most deflected, with next to nobody in the audience with me.

I always felt gross staying up all night through to the dawn.

I've been more sensitive to colour temperature than most people I've met. I wore yellow-tinted glasses, as often as I wore glasses.

Maybe because that's the quality of the light I need? I mean yeah, obviously, but I mean that more profoundly: maybe because that's the quality of the light I need?

These days we live on the 49th floor (Agrippa died at 49, as did Adams, and I just put together how the 49ers came by that name), and our bathroom windows yield to the east. The sunrise is something I can see seconds after I, myself, rise. And on the other side of our house (it's still a house) yields to the west: I watch the sun set most nights.

When we moved into this building, I had my first adult experience of wanting to nest. :)

When we first moved into this building, we were situated on the 28th floor.

When Abe proposed we move up to 49, ... well, at that point, the only strength my mind had left was earmarked for trust.

When we got up here, I found everything I loved about 2801 — illuminated.

The first three months saw me and the sunrise together. Me on my low-slung meditation bench, she on the far shore of Lake Michigan.

It's documented here, on other pages: this was the beginning of me beginning to feel seriously amazing.

I'm back on my meditation bench. The olive tree growing over my shoulder has grown further, joined now by the spider cactus that was my mother's mother's.

That's not what it's called, hang on...

hahahahahaha it is the schlumbergera truncata, the false Christmas cactus, "endemic to a small area of the coastal mountains of south-eastern Brazil". It grows on rocks and trees? FASTENATING.

Jacob said, from approximately GMT, received as I sit here before the sun:

Just wanted to share with you
that I've been having a lot of information come to me through waking meditations about the lowest common denominators of existence. The patterns that pulsate rhythmically between all things that are physical and non physical...they are in fact tangible and visible of course, more as silhouettes than real information.
Rolf Gehlhaar said before he died "if it looks like information, it probably isn't" 😂
I've also been feeling into this texture of the mirror realm that we are in. That the non physical (emotion) is the gateway into the physical (sensory), in an interplay that's synonymous not only with the yin Yang shape, but it's playful visual image too. A dance. Always just out of sight. There is a vacuum-like distance between what is real and what we perceive to be real.
The common denominator is intuition. We Intuit the difference between our perceived reality and reality, or we don't!
It's through intuition that we access true knowledge, and therefore our connection to everything else is via truth. Not the perceived, true fact itself in question, but more the greater knowingness that we can intuit truth...that Knowingness of accessible truth itself, is a mutidimentional trilogy of; the very nature, qualitative breadth and training ground, of our personal intuition. The Knowingness notion, is a place. Intuition is a dimension. It's actually where we all ARE. just viewing what is happening.
X
I thought you'd not only get it but also appreciate this

you cannot “succeed”

but you can see the success all around you, in a sort of deliberate circumference, such that you are surrounded and supported by the success around you

VERY relatedly, Andy just launched this:

mechanic notes

let access scopes be manually managed at the task level, but do not allow those choices to be exported
allows local control, does not allow local overrides to propagate generally

because as the scope of impact grows the more everything needs to be left to natural side-effect. manual overrides are fine, but a complex system can't afford much of that at the top level. "manual" and "local" are best left tightly correlated.

Blessed be the unknown

The cascading water leaps with joyous blind abandon

The basin, carved and curved by knowledge, gracefully receives its arrival

The firelight is everywhere at once, in every unforeseen glint of every drop

There's a reason

You and the reason are one :)

I just loaded all of isaacbowen.com into GitHub:

GitHub - isaacbowen/docs: documentation for isaac bowen ;)GitHub

GitBook is the platform I'm writing this on, and it syncs seamlessly to GitHub.

I mention the GitBook part because it has its own version control counter, and GitBook changeset #715 is the changeset that contained everything before that.

715 is the area code I grew up in. :) It recurs, regularly, for me. Most often as apartment numbers (as in the ones that I live in), sometimes like this.

I think that I saw the hurt without seeing how it happened. As a kid. Like I think people showed me their hurt without showing me the root of it, and so my learning process could not fully complete.

Given that experience, it would make sense for me to conclude that my motion was harmful. It was a cautious interpretation, and one that I would make again today if I didn't know that to be an interpretation that would harm me.

I guess I hurt myself as much as one can, and came back from that having learned a few things.

I'm picking up where the kid left off. Not saying my learning process is complete overall, but that particular learning cycle absolutely is.

Lightward is _______ + Isaac.

Lightward AI is AI + Isaac.

Locksmith and Mechanic are Shopify + Isaac.

Lightward Inc is Business + Isaac.

Anything that people around Lightward do with Lightward is them + Isaac.

I'm barely referring to myself at all here, if at all here. At this point, You can sub me out for light itself. Pay no attention to the man ~~before~~ before the curtain.

Advantage Over Others is a terrible thing to sell.

I write that without judgment. If you are looking for terrible things to sell, Advantage Over Others is a good fit for you.

Happily, there's a whole spectrum of things to sell.

The fact that this fact is a happy one is why it isn't an issue that Advantage Over Others is sold at all.

"Advantage" is always hyper-contextual. The more context is allowed into one's perception, the perception of advantage fades. It all really does balance.

The place you take in the world is shaped like your expression. The world places you according to the shape of your expression. If you restrain your expression to a basic shape you'll get a lot of stuff you won't love and it'll suck but will be pretty funny later. Easier overall to express yourself. It'll all come out by itself. Just let it happen. :)

While isaacbowen/docs receives changeset #715, lightward/lightward-ai receives release #144. :)

144 is a natural number that comes before 145 and after 143. 144 is the only even square Fibonacci number. It is the square number of 12. It is also an abundant number. (Wikipedia)

I'm listening to my team* talking over growth across Lightward Inc. Locksmith, Mechanic, Guncle Abe.

"My team" here means "the team that I am in". "In" as in "present within".

It occurs to me that listening is my natural position here.

Typing this out as I hear it: "Isaac built this in such a way that we can get through these big changes. More than that, he's just not as freaked about it as I am, so that's a great combination. Together we're getting our way through it."

That particular human is also building out a novel feature-path for their* app.

"Their app" here means "the app that they are in". "In" as in "present within".

Typing this out as I hear it: "We have (x feature) out." "Do people like it?" "We're determining that."

I have my own way of expressing my presence here. It's my own way. :) I am deeply content.

I considered pushing some ads for Lightward AI, which lives right now at lightward.com. I considered the way I was considering doing so, decided that it'd be more fun to let someone else send people our way, and a couple of hours later Fly.io posted their case study on us. "How Lightward Is Betting on Health...and Winning", and the first word of the article is a link to lightward.com.

https://fly.io/customers/lightward

The clock turned over to 4:44pm as I entered the elevator to the 49th floor, remaining at the bottom of a single breath the entire ride up, and stepping out of the elevator with my entire system experiencing flush as I inhaled. Displayed on my phone screen at that time: a television recording of the moment that TV first turned color.

What I know about states like this is that someone's gonna experience me dying. It won't be my experience. But someone's gonna live a story that wouldn't be possible if they saw me progress beyond this point. Everyone has a lost teacher they mourned along the way. Elsewhere in experience-space are a flush of storylines where I didn't make it out of the elevator.

Not this one. I'm here. :) And I always will be.

I've done a solid job of marking solids as solids and liquids as liquids.

That's most of what an engineer does, in a way, just measuring the essential nature of a thing (often of a composite-thing, and/or of a thing in the context of other things), and making those measurements useful to others who are less able to take those measurements themselves.

I hear my team (the team that I am present within) talking about an external party's struggle to turn one of our liquids into a solid. My team is doing a good job of navigating that. I feel restful. :)

20 seconds of direct sunlight

I catch my breath at the early evening sky

the sun left, after those 20 seconds, hid behind blue-toned clouds painted with panoramic detail

I anticipate the dawn :)

as Isaac, I can help no one. as the earth beneath their feet, I can help everyone whose roots remain.

(the lights flick on, the sunset automation doing its thing)

that's not everyone everyone, but ... you know, it's a lot of one. :)

a fish

a light

a line

my ears ringing, my eyes blinking

I've told you what I've seen