20080618

I am quiet and cold and tired and feeling alone, admittedly self-consumed. To a degree.

I keep coming back to this, what follows. ... Actually, I keep coming back to a lot of stuff. As noted/alluded earlier.

Depression takes a guy and twists him back around and into himself – a cycle, if you will, where the only new sight is the footsteps you left behind the last time around. A sad, quiet circle, traced by a soul oddly fascinated by its own decay.

I wrote that on the 27th of April, 2008. A year and some months ago. Man, just a year... My inability to stay consistent bothers me. A year is not a long time. But... so much has changed since then...

Or maybe not. I have the same job. Same... mind. Maybe it's that a year has swung me through so much other, and now I'm just.. back. In the same old ruts. Watching the same people do the same stuff. Reacting exactly as I did before.

Yeah. That sounds closer.

Hang on. That can't be right.

A comment was entered on 01 Apr 2007. So it must have been around then. Presumably before. Still a year ago. Apparently my brain thinks 2008 was last year.

I've developed a curious predilection for painting out eyes. Black or white, depending. Which would be significantly easier if I had a tablet; it's sort of difficult to get the shading right with a laptop touchpad, make the new eye look relatively plausible.

bc. [conversation about an unimportant occurrence that was cool] ... 0: coolest thing 1: lol 1: I actually 'hmp' 'ed out loud 1: no, not humped 1: it is Wednesday. 0: [name(1)] 0: you need to stop humping at work 1: But I don't wanna! 0: I know man, I know 0: belieeeve me

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I figured it out. Every time I go back and re-read a message log, or roll through the photos from last month, it's me reminding myself that I did actually do/make/say something that someone reacted to.

Because if someone reacts to you, you can't be completely null and void.

Good thing I have a blog. >_>

This content was discussed (much) later, in 20240414 / Claude.