20080715

I suppose it's a good thing that I haven't been writing here as frequently. This is where I go when I need to get thoughts out.

.. Though, apparently this means that I haven't been having quite as many thoughts.

Bah, I don't even know what to say. The root of [stuff that I don't feel like thinking of words to describe] is still the inability to decide what is valid reasoning, and what thoughts can be relied upon and used to build off of. Like testing steps in a staircase.

Though by that analogy, the staircase is still leading in the same direction, regardless of the integrity of the steps it consists of.

you're here to decide why you made it

I've started making decisions based on instinct. Sort of. Going by the Oracle's theory. That you've already made the decision, but have to figure out why you made it. So I'm trying to skip past the intermediary muddle of thoughts to whatever decision I think I'm inevitably going to make. Like jumping steps on the staircase.

Among other things, this eliminates a few opportunities I'd otherwise have to rationalize away decisions. Trying to avoid regrets, see.

Or something.

---

Dear workplace:

So. What incentive do I have to excel here?

• Needless lockdown. My local admin levels were cut the day after I got here this summer. (Might I remind you that I was your network admin two years ago. Your intern. What does that say about you?) Fortunately, I managed to install Acrobat Reader (fricking Reader, so very dangerous) before my rights were - ha - abolished.

• No access to [software]. This is understandable, due to licensing restrictions. To get around this (not my idea), [associate] gives me [supervisor]'s password, which throws me for a loop momentarily - huge security breach - but it allows me to do my job. Because of this access, I'm able to create the [document] in time, able to retrieve the reports from [software] that I need, and able to work with the [other software] documents needed for [client].

• I hate [software]. Really, why can't the [sector] industry manage to get decent software to work with? I can't even use it from my own machine, because, even through most of the system files are on the shared drive (great idea there, btw, let's put a couple random important programs in next to a massive dump of company documents), my machine lacks the dlls needed to actually run them. This happened last year, and I fixed it easily. But guesssss what - NO LOCAL ADMIN RIGHTS. I can't even install the fonts the marketing guys mandate we use, and I can't directly ask the system admin to do it - I have to ask my supervisor, who then has to ask him. W. T. F.

• I appreciate the flexibility that this environment is capable of affording. It's a good job, yeah. I mean, I've had the same salary for the last two years, but I have been late a couple times this round and thusly haven't asked for the raise that [boss] mentioned when we worked out the agreement for me to come back this year.

... Honestly. If I wanted to steal data, I could. I would. And could cause a lot of damage in the process.

My biggest frustration is that, technically, this entire team is not very apt. They've been taught, and a couple of them are pretty good at the functionality they use on a day-to-day basis. But what you have is capable of so much more, and if they knew how to use it, many many frustrations could be saved.

Random thought: why are half of the WIDESCREEN monitors here set at with a 4:3 display resolution?

Not that you know what that means... bleh.

Anyway. I could be a valuable employee. But I'm sick of being locked down. They changed [supervisor]'s password on me hours after I finished the newsletter - which I needed her machine to do. The change was understandable, yeah. (But as long as I've mentioned [supervisor]'s machine - does it make sense to you that leaving her logged in 24/7 isn't exactly best practice? I understand that her machine is set up to perform The Download only when she's logged in, but - correct me if I'm wrong - isn't a server designed to perform cron jobs like that?)

I have no point. You can't change anything here - what would you even change? It's not like you can suddenly imbue your staff with actual skill. This place will continue to be crippled, and you don't even know it. Best of luck.

Footnote. I'm focusing only on the technical side of things. Completely ignoring your actual business. I'm aware of this. But, see, the technical side of things is the only side I'm involved with. Kudos to you for being an amazing [sector] institution and all. But.

Yeah. I'm leaving.