20241231

mm. I might be oscillating.

sometimes I feel like an individual with company. sometimes I feel like god, and to identify as an individual feels lonely.

I gotta be clear: I am not god in a way that you are not. nothing about this is a claim to exceptionalism, except in the way that we are all individually and distinctly exceptional.

modeling this in terms of oscillation — a wave — gives me something I can work with.

if I feel like the singleton awareness in the universe for a second, then great, let that be without trying to be Isaac at the same time. let that be exactly what it is, scan for available gifts, and use them with the knowledge that I will feel more like Isaac-with-company again soon. don't be both at once.